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News Editor (whatever that is) at @empiremagazine, host of the Empire Podcast, and Q&A-hole. It's ok. I wouldn't follow me either. Footy tweets @ChrisHewittLFC.

808 Following   21,274 Followers   52,805 Tweets

Joined Twitter 2/11/09

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YES! http://t.co/hHnDyyFZ9P
Retweeted by Chris Hewitt
5/25
2015
@onecoldvibe I think I'm in the left.This is definitely something I would write. And it's true, dammit. https://t.co/Er5rlobqSq@WazYork Seems reasonable.@SeanKDLA I would never knowingly laugh at a De Semlyen.If you're not me, then who da hell am I? https://t.co/Qe42Kt8oYA@ChrisHewitt I need something to do when MOTD is on.
Retweeted by Chris Hewitt@MooseAllain Thank you, Moose. The postal order is on its way.@ChrisHewitt Just watched a great episode of Columbo.
Retweeted by Chris HewittNailed it. https://t.co/Nv3Zwo4BlvTotally doesn't capture my voice. Besides, it couldn't get any smal... CARRY ON, NOTHING TO SEE HERE. https://t.co/3MNsx3yBnc@mark_salisbury http://t.co/y4x26e8xjo@Krooshlash Looks that way. I hope not.This is pretty uncanny. It's like Single White Female. https://t.co/snjciSkcUbI'm too football-sad to write new tweets. Why don't you write something that you think I'd say and I'll just retweet that instead.New emoji ideas: 1 yes that's the joke emoji 2 it was a joke emoji 3 i love your sexy canoe emoji 4 what's that emoji emoji
Retweeted by Chris HewittThis and an England call-up in the same week. Wow. https://t.co/Kdno0RhMb0[red carpet] "So Ryan, who are u with tonight?" Ryan Gosling [proudly] "My parents" [two geese in black tie nervously shuffle to his side]
Retweeted by Chris HewittMike Ashley announces plans to stay in charge at Newcastle until the end of time, and possibly beyond. http://t.co/PU8iSjJHmW@DapperDan True. But you didn't just lose 1-3 to Palace at home, and get toned 6-1 away to Stoke.West Ham should bring in a fan as manager, someone who really understands the club, like David Cameron.
Retweeted by Chris Hewitt@DapperDan He's Sam Allardici, the greatest manager Real never had.@G4ZATRON No, there's not a chance. He'll want a team in the CL.@DapperDan No, fair point. But he seems to have been resigned to his fate for a while as well. Going through the motions.@RFWilding Fair enough. I'm not very kind to your lot over there, but do check it out.@DapperDan Yeah, but you were never seriously going to finish in the top four, were you? Would you have been happy with top 10?@DapperDan Ha! I hope that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence, Dan.@G4ZATRON He'd never come in a million years.What a clumsy but lovable buffoon that Paul Blart is.@katiesol Why do you want me to record a pub quiz?Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 to lift the Palme D'Or. And then drop it. And then lift it again. And then drop it. And then set it on fire. #Cannes@Okeating It's all Mourinho's fault.@greg_jenner When Lambert played, that *was* worse. Pretty much all signings sucked. As you know, replacing a world-class player ain't easy.To me, West Ham sacking Sam Allardyce so quickly was karma for the time we went to that carvery and he drank all the gravy before I arrived.
Retweeted by Chris Hewitt@Okeating My wife reminded me today that I planned to go to Liverpool for the title parade had we won it last year. Seems so long ago.@greg_jenner If we'd had a striker, we'd have been top four, I have no doubt. But we didn't. Last few weeks have been lamentable.@jamesjammcmahon Jesus Christ. That would be the moment I walk away from football and embrace water polo.@greg_jenner A last desperate attempt to finish 7th, gone horribly wrong.@cheerslads He's off to United. We don't sign Southampton's good players anyway.This is a very clever pun, and is the only thing I can cling to right now.Stoked about today's football. Absolutely stoked.@Okeating What a day. What a lovely day.This may be a good time to put a fiver on LFC winning the league next year. #odds
Retweeted by Chris Hewitt@RFWilding I'm @ChrisHewittLFC - it's a barrel of laughs over there at the moment!@TheLukedog Oh yeah. I keep forgetting that.Arkham Knight might just be enough to drag me away from FIFA for five minutes.@biscuitahoy Take a cheque?@_GrahamPatrick You'll be fine. Hull have no chance.@_GrahamPatrick @UpturnedBathtub Tell me about it. Although you're more entitled to the whining.@PeterBanner1 Well, quite.@_GrahamPatrick @UpturnedBathtub Dammit, Graham, we both did the same thing. Twitter Jinx, now you can't tweet for the rest of the day.@UpturnedBathtub You want my clothes, my boots AND my motorcycle? That's just not on.@PeterBanner1 A more detailed explanation: not enough people in the office watch it. I think maybe two writers at most.@PeterBanner1 Yep. Nope.@biscuitahoy *pushes business glasses further up business nose* I'm in. 20p for 50% equity.@biscuitahoy What's the turnover in year 3?Saying thank you makes you cocky everyone http://t.co/kueiJcBFls
Retweeted by Chris HewittThis picture pretty much says everything. #NotWorthy h/t to @Price_Points @Comicpalooza http://t.co/I9vky9w6ST
Retweeted by Chris Hewitt@PeterBanner1 Nope.@tomwritesmovies @NickdeSemlyen Never played them, so I have no idea.@migrainebhoy HE WORE A CARDIGAN.@NickdeSemlyen Try recording a spoiler special about it! They should have been upfront from the off, instead of trying to create mystery.@NickdeSemlyen Word.We're seeking to recruit a new team member front of house. 4 shifts a week. Please RT. http://t.co/o3lBHFt7So
Retweeted by Chris Hewitt@sebpatrick @LukeWhiston @SiRenshaw @gameofwar But guys, she's asked me to be her hero. And you know what? She meant it. I could tell.@ChrisHewitt We forget that Danny was going to change for her, too! It went both ways! I mean, he, er... erm... put on a cardigan...
Retweeted by Chris Hewitt@ChrisHewitt The "Did she put up a fight?" line in Summer Nights is pretty fucking awful too.
Retweeted by Chris Hewitt@ChrisHewitt Give in to peer pressure and you'll get a flying car! It's a great moral.
Retweeted by Chris Hewitt@Pandamoanimum Holy shit.Looks like I forgot this totally normal thing. http://t.co/KqXvZlKJTQ@NordlingAICN Ha! That's why they call you Greased Lightning.@MhairiMcF First plane I ever flew on, when I was 9, had ashtrays. But I can't recall if anyone was smoking.The end of Grease is really fucked up. Start smoking! Change your look and personality to snag your fella, ladies! Start singing in public!@MhairiMcF I still can't quite get over the fact it was allowed on planes. Just imagine that.I have just faked a moonie on the landing!
Retweeted by Chris Hewitt@1MattD I'm on it.Sweden have already built their stadium for next year's Eurovision show but they have 4 screws left over for some reason
Retweeted by Chris HewittGod, let's hope not. https://t.co/uhLfJsJDpC@ben_cameron Stuff and nonsense, sir. You rock the nib.@ben_cameron I could say the same about your brilliant art. Me, I just think of a better writer and do what they do, only not as well.@ModernDayBFG Sorry about that. Glad you enjoyed, though?@ModernDayBFG We were on separate mics. That might have something to do with it.@ModernDayBFG Not sure what that means - are you saying there's a technical issue?
5/24
2015
@iantjames Not right now, thanks.@RFWilding Nah, just a hotch-potch.Typical. It's the same stitch-up every year. https://t.co/c5Vwb7u1BfWho did Sokovia give 12 points to?@Mz_Scheherazade No idea. All I can hear is the thumping bassline. That hasn't changed. For twelve. Hours. In. A. Row.Chris Pratt gets out ahead of his impending PR gaffes on the JURASSIC WORLD press tour. http://t.co/0pywbEJ2cW
Retweeted by Chris HewittThis is unsub behaviour.My upstairs neighbour doesn't seem to be watching Eurovision. Instead, he's been listening to the same song for twelve hours straight. Yep.There's still a way the United Kingdom can win this. DEPLOY LONGBOTTOM. #Eurovision2015 http://t.co/v15xbv8zNuI've already clocked the theme of the evening, and have donned a low-cut T-shirt with my moobs pushed close together. #Eurovision2015 #SexyTits & teeth everywhere, live feeds keep dropping, this Eurovision is like Babestation but with worse music.
Retweeted by Chris HewittPutin's just had Georgia wiped off the map.Back just in time for the end of the voting on #Euriovision2015 #Eurorvision2015 #UroVision2015 #ChrisHewittsBigPartyJourneyHashtag2015NICK DE SEMLYEN: Then, before he knew it, he was there. CHRIS HEWITT: I was. NICK DE SEMLYEN: I wasn't, though. CHRIS HEWITT: Awkward.CHRIS HEWITT: Even though I knew it was too long, I went ahead with it anyway. It was a big hit. For a minute, I was trending in Dulwich.NICK DE SEMLYEN (friend): He wanted #ChrisHewittsBigPartyJourneyHashtag2015. I told him it was way too long but he wouldn't listen.CHRIS HEWITT: Deciding to live-tweet my journey into central London was a masterstroke. But I came up with a hashtag that was way too long.
5/23
2015
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